Love & Sex Articles: Tips, Advice, Ideas, Toys & More https://www.sheknows.com All Things Parenting Tue, 03 Jun 2025 21:58:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.7.2 https://www.sheknows.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/cropped-sk-fav-icon.png?w=32 Love & Sex Articles: Tips, Advice, Ideas, Toys & More https://www.sheknows.com 32 32 149804645 We Found 17 of the Best Sex Toys Designed for Clitoral Stimulation — Starting at Just $40 https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/2190251/best-clitoral-sex-toys/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/2190251/best-clitoral-sex-toys/#respond Tue, 03 Jun 2025 21:50:43 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/?post_type=pmc-gallery&p=2190251 If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.

For people with vulvas, there’s a whole host of ways to have a really good orgasm. One of the most beloved of the big O’s are ones coming from clitoral stimulation, because, well, the clitoris is a super sensitive area totally charged with erogenous energy (aka thousands of nerves concentrated in that one intense spot).

As sex educator and relationship coach Dawn Serra previously told SheKnows, the clitoris is a “massive network of swollen, tingly pleasure.” It’s bigger than you might think (it actually looks more like a four-legged animal than one single “spot”), gets an erection of its own (similar to the penis), and the ways it receives and responds to pleasure evolves over time. And while you might have found your way around your own clitoris (or guided a few partners through the Do’s and Don’ts), it’s totally normal for the clit to take a bit of time to reach full arousal. “Remember that it takes, on average, 20-25 minutes of stimulation and foreplay before a woman is fully aroused,” Serra says.

While there’s tons of toys on the market — ones that cater to penetration, to high tech bells and whistles or ones that are just unique and a little surprising —  sometimes you want to find a toy that’s really good at one thing. Whether you’re just starting your toy collection or looking for a new MVP toy, we’ve rounded up our favorites — ones that mimic oral (right down to the tongues) and ones that vibrate in low-key and high-key ways — that target the clit. Try a few of these out and you’ll level-up your cliteracy in no time.

A version of this story was published April 2020.

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7 Expert-Approved Car Sex Positions That Go Way Beyond Missionary https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/4281/car-sex-positions/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/4281/car-sex-positions/#respond Fri, 30 May 2025 20:29:00 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/slideshow/4281/car-sex-positions/ If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.

When you think of car sex, images of awkward teenage fumblings probably come to mind. It’s a rite of passage for many, spanning generations and infusing pop culture, from AC/DC’s “Girls Got Rhythm” to LL Cool J’s “Backseat,” to Addison Rae singing, “losing all your innocence in the backseat” in “Diet Pepsi.” Now that you’re older, you might assume car sex is a thing of the past — back when you were more flexible, more naive, and didn’t mind a sore neck or aching hips in the name of a quickie.

But car sex isn’t just for hormonally-fueled teenagers. In fact, according to a 2017 study in The Journal of Sex Research, having sex in a parked car is “generally a positive romantic and sexual experience” for all genders. Car sex might just be the missing piece in your sex life when it feels a little stale.

Benefits of Car Sex

“Car sex isn’t just a throwback to teenage lust — it’s a surprisingly kinky setup hiding in plain sight,” sex and intimacy coach Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast Talk Sex With Annette, tells SheKnows.There’s built-in bondage from seatbelts, a hit of exhibitionism from the public setting, and plenty of power play when someone’s calling the shots from the driver’s side.”

But what really makes it hot, says Benedetti, is the psychology of car sex: “Confined spaces heighten arousal by narrowing your sensory focus. You’re hyper-aware of breath, touch, eye contact — every moan feels amplified. And the novelty of being somewhere you’re not supposed to be lights up the brain’s reward center like a dashboard warning light. It’s not just about getting off — it’s about waking up parts of your desire that routine sex tends to put on cruise control.”

However, now that you’re older, your tolerance for doing something just for the sake of it has likely changed — it has to actually be worth it to be enjoyable. Whether you’re a “front seat thruster” or a “backseat babe,” there are ways to make car sex more comfortable and fun.

Car Sex Tips

“As a general rule, use common sense and discretion,” Angie Rowntree, founder & director of the award-winning ethical porn site Sssh.com, says. “A car is heavy machinery, so no getting frisky while driving. Tease if you please, but the driver’s eyes need to stay on the road until you’re safely parked.”

Another tip? Rowntree says be mindful of where you park. “Lover’s Lane may be cute in movies, but getting caught could mean real charges. If you’re off-road, check your surroundings: dry leaves and hot engine parts don’t mix, and forgetting the parking brake could send you rolling mid-thrust,” she says, adding that having a blanket handy helps protect your seats (and your dignity in case anyone catches you in the act.

Sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, MA, CSE, sexpert for Lovers sexual wellness brand and retailer, says it’s also important to be realistic about space and comfort, noting that not all cars are created equal when it comes to sex. “If you’re tall or plus-size (like me!), squeezing into a compact vehicle just isn’t ideal. The bigger the car, the more room you have to move, experiment with positions, and enjoy the experience without cramping your style—or your limbs.”

Stewart also makes the point that car sex needn’t just be partnered sex either. “If you need a break from your partner, kids, or everyday chaos, turn your car into a private pleasure pod,” she recommends. “Bring your favorite toy, queue up some sexy tunes or a steamy video, and treat yourself to some quality solo time. Sometimes the best getaway is the one you give yourself.”

Ultimately, says Rowntree, when it comes to car sex, it helps to return to the carefree attitude of adolescence. “Don’t overthink it—go with what feels good and have a sense of humor. Car sex is all about spontaneity and fun. So next time you hear ‘I’ll pick you up’ or ‘let’s drive somewhere,’ it might come with a wink and a wild new memory.”

The 7 Best Car Sex Positions

Keep reading for our favorite, expert-approved car sex positions to get your gears moving.

At SheKnows, we recognize that not all penetrating partners are male and not all receiving partners are female. For the sake of this article, the experts we spoke to referred to penetrating partners as men and receiving partners as women.

Originally published February 2016.

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Here's Why Your Partner Has Trouble Staying Hard — & 6 Ways You Can Help, According to Sex Experts https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2169928/erectile-dysfunction-how-to-help-partner/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2169928/erectile-dysfunction-how-to-help-partner/#respond Fri, 23 May 2025 17:53:44 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/?p=2169928 At some point in your life, you might experience a very flustering sexual encounter: You’re about to get down and dirty with your partner, when all of a sudden they lose their erection, or they can’t get one up in the first place. It leaves you unsure of what to do next — do you just keep going because you bought new lacy underwear for this, or do you cancel the evening’s sexcapades entirely? Plus, there’s probably a small voice in your head telling you that you did something wrong, or that this change in mood is your fault. (Let’s clear that up now: it’s obviously not!) 

Difficulty keeping an erection sufficient for penetration is referred to as Erectile Dysfunction, or ED for short. Here’s the thing: this is a pretty normal issue, whether it happens just once or numerous times in a row. People of all sexes experience difficulty with arousal, and it’s inevitable that this comes up during intimacy. Issues with arousal are unrelated to how explosively sexy your relationship is or how much you love each other — sometimes there’s just no lift off for a variety of reasons. 

That said, you’re not doomed to figure this out on your own. To help your partner address their ED, it’s crucial to discover the cause of it — so get ready to communicate. Here’s what might be preventing them from getting hard and how to address it.

There are sometimes physical causes at play.

There is a whole host of physical health issues that can lead to ED, explains Dr. Alex Chinks, Boston-based licensed clinical psychologist and sexologist. These could include:

  • Diabetes
  • High blood pressure
  • Obesity
  • Fatigue
  • Smoking
  • High cholesterol
  • Advanced age

ED can even be an early symptom of current or future heart disease, Dr. Chinks says.

The first thing Dr. Chinks asks her ED patients: “When was your last physical?” — in order to rule out these medical causes. “My next question is about alcohol and drug use,” Dr. Chinks continues. “Drinking is the largest culprit of ED in men under the age of 40. And any recreational or prescription drugs can bring about ED as a side effect.”

Maybe it’s all mental.

ED gets a lot more complicated when it comes to psychological causes, because humans are emotional, sensitive, insecure creatures (yes, all of us!). Your significant other might have an image in their mind of how sex should look and how they should perform — but when real life doesn’t meet their expectations, this can lead to stress and going limp as a physical reaction. Your partner might also lose an erection due to reasons ranging from anxiety to big life changes. Depression in general can dampen sex drive and increase the chance that erection loss keeps occurring. (Frustratingly, antidepressants can lower libido and lead to ED as well.)

“I often say that one’s sex life is a window into their non-sexual lives,” Dr. Chinks says. That means if there’s a lot going on internally, ED and other sexual issues can come as a result.

Or there’s a sexual dysfunction present.

“Our sexual response cycle typically follows a pathway of desire-arousal-excitement-orgasm,” Dr. Chinks says, where erections are a sign of arousal. “If your partner is experiencing low desire (or libido)” — the first step in the process — “then they may not be able to move into the arousal zone.” Sometimes you’re just not feeling that horny, and that’s OK. But on the chance that there is sexual dysfunction at play, a doctor’s visit never hurts to figure out what’s up.

6 ways to deal with ED in a relationship

You can still have a satisfying sex life when a partner is experiencing ED — we promise. Here are a few strategies to get you there:

Get creative. Keep in mind that erections are not going to make or break your sex life. And for most people with a clit, penetration is not even needed for pleasure. Especially if you care a lot about your partner, there are other ways to satisfy, and sex consist of a whole range of behaviors. Try mutual masturbation or playing with toys while centering other erogenous zones, like the clitoris, anus, or prostate.

Play with it soft. Marriage and family therapist Brooke Norton says that playing with a soft penis can be enjoyable for everyone. “A soft penis is just that — it doesn’t mean anything about masculinity or being a good lover,” she tells SheKnows. “And we also have hands, mouths, and the rest of our bodies to use for pleasure.” The possibilities are endless, whether there’s an erection present or not.

Take a break. Dr. Emily Morse, Doctor of Human Sexuality and host of the popular Sex With Emily podcast, recommends a tactic in the same vein. “Try taking a break from [penetrative] sex for a bit – go back to kissing, have him go down on you and touch each other’s bodies, have a snack — whatever it is, the mood can come back!” 

Redefine what sex means to you. If you and your partner are still feeling totally lost about what to do next, there are a few things to try when working past ED. “I often encourage folks to think about what sex is about,” Norton says. “Is it really about staying hard? Sex is about sharing pleasure and enjoyment, not necessarily about parts behaving in a particular way. Some of us were taught that there is foreplay and then penetration is the main event.” Instead, think of every part of a sexual encounter as sex. There’s no need to stick to a script when there are so many broad ways to express yourself sexually.

Talk to an expert. Oftentimes, a sex therapist will also be able to come up with suggestions and assist with matters of ED. It’s important for a professional to give attention to individual stories and unique circumstances that brought people to the point where things are a problem. Norton says, “I once worked with a cis, hetero couple who really prioritized her penetration, so I asked them to consider using a toy for this purpose. It turned out that he enjoyed using the toy on her so much that he was able to get an erection.”

Be patient and communicate. Overall, the best way you can help your partner is to be understanding and patient, and to not get upset in any way (remember, this isn’t your fault — or theirs). In our very patriarchal culture, it can feel like a partner’s erection is inherently related to your appearance, sexual prowess, and desirability, but that’s not true. Keep in mind that ED can feel embarrassing and your partner can feel like they’re taking a hit to their self-esteem as well, so just try to be the most supportive person you can. Being able to talk about and work through this will set you up for an even stronger relationship. 

A version of this story was published May 2020.

Doing some research to spice up your sex life? Check out our sex position bucket list below:

Ashley Britton/SheKnows

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11 Reasons Married People Should Still Masturbate https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1081914/reasons-married-people-should-masturbate/ Thu, 22 May 2025 21:35:13 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1081914/reasons-married-people-should-masturbate/ If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.

Growing up in a Christian home, sex was presented to me as the Holy Grail that would take on magical, mystical properties once you got married. It was implied, and often overtly said, that your sex life would be amazing once you followed God’s plan and made it legal.

Many years into marriage, I now say: HAHAHAHA. Religion, media, and your friends may have all set you up for unrealistic expectations about marriage. If you were anything like me, you probably went into it thinking that sex would be fantastic, forever and always, simply because you were in love.

Now that I have kids and am perpetually exhausted, I’ve realized that sex is just another real world thing. Sometimes it’s amazing, and sometimes it’s just so-so. That’s life. My husband and I did make one vow in our relationship to always be honest, so I can confidently say that we’re both happy with our moderate sex arrangement while raising two toddlers.

And that’s just where self-pleasure fits in — for those times when I’m too exhausted to perform or don’t feel like moving anything above the waist in bed. In fact, I would assert that regular masturbation is part of a healthy married sex life and that masturbation can even make married sex better — and the experts agree. Here’s why masturbation should be a part of your married sex life too.

1. It increases your sense of self

Antonio Pizarro, MD, OB-GYN, points out the empowering truth that every woman needs to hear: It’s your body, and you can play with it if you want to. “Masturbation is a healthy expression of a woman’s control over her own body,” Pizarro tells SheKnows. “Masturbation can also serve as a way for a woman to understand her reproductive anatomy, her physical needs and, in turn, share that understanding with her partner.”

Erotic coach and sex educator Dawn Serra calls masturbation a “tremendous asset” to marriage. “Masturbation gives both people permission to be their own person,” she says. “It invites autonomy.”

2. It improves your pelvic function

Yes, turns out masturbation can be good for your physical health, too. As sex coach Jenna Switzer explains, our brains work in such a way that the more we intentionally do something with our body, the more neuropathways we open up. “Essentially the more you use muscles in a certain area, the easier it is for your brain to engage the muscles when required,” Switzer explains.

As you know, your pelvic area isn’t only the source of your orgasms — it also contains the muscles that support our organs, our digestive tract, and our bladder control. As we get older, working these muscles through things like masturbation helps us control them better, which can help prevent “all sorts of frustrating issues including organ prolapse, incontinence, and other issues,” Switzer notes.

3. It gives you more sexual experience

This is a big one for me, seeing as I was a virgin until I got into a relationship with my now-husband. Masturbation is practice, and practice makes perfect most of the time. “If someone hasn’t had lots of sexual experience before marriage, it can be difficult to tell your partner what works for you. Masturbation helps you learn,” says Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D., sociologist and intimacy counselor, adds, “Specifically for women who don’t know a lot about their own pleasures and desires, masturbation, fantasies, and playing with toys can be a good way for her to safely develop her self-knowledge and expand her pleasure-potential.”

4. It gives you space and time to yourself

If you’re too tired to connect during sex, that’s your prerogative. And it doesn’t mean you can’t paddle the pink canoe to relax yourself before you drift off to sleep. Andrea Adams-Miller, aka The Sexuality Tutor, explains, “When an individual is feeling stressed or tired, often quickly knocking one off allows them to feel better without taking time or effort of the other. In my opinion, our sexuality is our responsibility, so if you desire it, take care of it.”

Sex and intimacy coach Rebekah Beneteau says, “Relying solely on your partner for sexual satisfaction can lead to resentments. We are all responsible for our own orgasm.”

5. It improves your sex life

As the saying goes, sex begets sex. Meaning, the more sex you have, even if it’s a one-woman show, the more sexy and aroused you are going to feel. Dr. Gail Saltz, author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead To a Better Life, tells SheKnows, “Masturbation for married couples can help focus what kind of stimulation you would like from your partner, so that you can increase pleasurable sex with your partner. It also may add variety to your own sexual repertoire.”

And if you thought masturbation was just a solo act, think again. April Masini of AskApril.com explains why masturbation as foreplay is both hot and beneficial to a relationship: “When couples engage in simultaneous [masturbation], or even one at a time in the presence of the other spouse, it can enhance the marital sex life and make couples feel closer to each other.” (Try these mutual masturbation positions to see for yourself.)

6. It helps us love ourselves

“Masturbation is an act of self love that creates an appreciation for the body we have as it experiences pleasure in this moment,” Switzer says. And that’s no easy feat in a day and age where loving and accepting our bodies just as they are is a constant challenge. “What beauty ‘should’ be is hardly ever what we see in the mirror and we are consistently in a state of mental body shaming,” she explains.

But when you masturbate, you’re allowing yourself to fully enjoy the sensations your body can create. “Frequent self pleasure signals to our subconscious that our body is worthy of pleasure, capable of bliss, and deserving of enjoyment,” Switzer says. “This allows us to have a deeper sense of body love that will boost confidence and allow us to accept and deepen appreciation for our body as it is now- perfectly flawesome.”

7. It helps women practice self-care

Contrary to what my shame-y religious upbringing told me, self-pleasure is actually is also a form of self-care. Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, says that an orgasm is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Levine explains, “Masturbating is a way to nurture yourself by nourishing your body in a way that you desire and need, whether it’s a quickie for instant pleasure or when you’re taking the time to discover new erogenous areas that you can then share with your partner.”

Ellen Barnard of A Woman’s Touch Sexuality Resource Center adds, “Masturbation is self-care. Although some people can overdo it, it is generally good for us to have between 1-3 orgasms per week, and if a partner is not available or interested, we lose this benefit if we do not give ourselves this gift.”

8. It releases stress

If there’s no one around to give you a back rub at the end of a long, hard day… I think you know where this is heading. Alex Fine, inventor of the Eva vibrator and co-founder and CEO of Dame Products, insists that masturbation is good for you. Simply put, it decreases stress, she says.

Adds Elle Chase, Lead Sex Educator at the Los Angeles Academy of Sex Education, “When you orgasm, you release endorphins like dopamine and the hormone oxytocin. Studies suggest these endorphins exist in both men and women for myriad reasons, including pain relief and stress and anxiety reduction.”

9. It helps you sleep better

Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills relationship psychotherapist, expounds on masturbation’s stress reduction benefits, saying, “Masturbation reduces stress and facilitates better sleep. The reason for this is based on science. Exciting yourself lowers blood pressures and raises endorphins, the chemicals responsible for helping to ease stress and increase relaxation.” After hearing her take, I’m now adding buttering my biscuit to my nightly bedtime routine, along with brushing my teeth.

10. It takes the pressure off

No matter what the horny man stereotype tells us, sometimes dudes just aren’t in the mood. So what’s a randy lady to do? Take matters into her own hands, of course. According to Dr. Dawn Michael, “Masturbation is great for couples where at times in the marriage one may want to be intimate and the other does not.”

Or as Suzy Olds, Ph.D. and founder of After Nine Tonight, explains, “All couples have ‘desire discrepancy‘ (where one partner wants sex more than the other) at some points (or throughout) their marriage. Masturbation can be a great way to satisfy the needs of the higher desire partner without making the other partner feel guilty about their lower desire.”

11. It forces you to try new things

Afraid to ask for what you want in bed? Just consider your solo sexy time a dress rehearsal for the main event. Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, author of Wanting to Want: What Kills Your Sex Life and How to Keep It Alive, advises, “Don’t be hesitant to try different sensations. There is no reason to have only one tool in your toolbox. Learn to give yourself pleasure with your undies still on — just with pressure and light stroking. You can also experiment with water flowing over you or vibration. The more ways that you find to bring your pleasure, the less you will be dependent on any one position, activity or stroke.”

A version of this article was originally published in May 2015.

Before you go, give yourself a hand when it comes to self-pleasure and check out 100 vibrators we recommend:

Ashley Britton/SheKnows
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16 Breakup Memoirs & Self-Help Books to Coach You Through Heartbreak https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/1234830203/best-breakup-books/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/1234830203/best-breakup-books/#respond Thu, 15 May 2025 19:59:12 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/?post_type=pmc-gallery&p=1234830203 If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.

For many of us, a breakup can be one of the biggest challenges we face. Whether your relationship lasted 20 years or three months, the devastation that comes from losing love can change us on a fundamental level. And — while the pain of the moment may have you believing otherwise — a lot of that change can be positive, in the long run. Sometimes the long long run. After a lot of healing gets done — and that’s where our favorite books on breakups come in.

While nothing can replace a therapy appointment or a good old-fashioned vent (or sob) session with your friends, break-up books are a vital part of the post-break-up toolbox. Whether you’re opting for a painfully relatable divorce memoir or a get-back-out-there self-help book, breakup books can show us the path to healing, or at least help us feel seen and comforted when the pain becomes unbearable. Many of these books are like a therapist and a best friend wrapped in one, and reading them is like getting a hug while hearing words of wisdom from someone who’s been where you are and come out the other side.

From longtime bestsellers like Eat Pray Love to more recent standouts like You Could Make This Place Beautiful, the following curated selection of break-up books are all non-fiction, all focused on helping you heal, feel, and (eventually, when you’re ready) move forward — whatever that looks like for you.

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5 Everyday Sex Tips From a Sex Magic Practitioner https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1137612/sex-magic-tips/ Thu, 17 Apr 2025 21:58:20 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1137612/sex-magic-tips/ Though some would argue all sex is magic, “sex magic” itself is a different concept entirely. Sex magic — also sometimes spelled “sex magick” — summons energy locked inside the body and uses orgasm as a vehicle to manifest. With orgasmic vibrations, spells intensify. And whether climax is reached with another body or alone, sex magic is one of the most effective ways to acquire desire. It is essentially harnessing dreams into waking life.

The power sourced from sex magic doesn’t compare to any other magic on the market. Being a sex magic practitioner entails a few sly moves — mostly out-of-body experiences and mental states. In my experience, sex magic doesn’t just entail opening legs, but opening portals. What might surprise you most of all is realizing you’ve already been engaging in sex magic — and if not, here are a few everyday ways to incorporate it into your life.

1. Writing is essential

The best way to start sex magic is through writing. It’s helpful to transmute — or change the nature of something as if through alchemical means — which allows thoughts to form into the tangible realm. If you write in a diary, create dream boards or make collages, this will sound familiar to you. Rather than confessions or secrets, let your journal be a platform for manifesting. Fill it with dream diagrams, animate it with goal-setting glorification.

For the more advanced, pentagrams, symbols, sigils, veves, and runes (cuneiforms or futharks) work wonders. Antique alphabets, characters and figures have been used across the globe and stand the test of time. Find the trademark that works best for you. No matter which technique you choose, the point is to create something tangible. You can also try automatic writing, which involves invoking spirits and allowing them to speak through you. Remember that we need other energies to assist our magic.

For me, writing is declaring who I am or will become. It’s letting dreams sail into the universe on the wings of a raven. And it’s preparing myself for transitions. I use my own body to spark flame for alchemical processes.

2. Make friends with ghosts & spirits

Inspired by spirits (or demons should you wish to work with dark forces), automatic writing falls into an advanced category of sex magic trimmings, but by all means try it — don’t shy away. Break into portals and remove walls. Set the mood, light candles, meditate and talk to spirits. They are waiting and listening, ready to intervene. Do not be afraid of ghosts and spirits, for they hold the skeleton key that will unlock potential.

3. Make an altar

Collecting items is quite simple. Gather whatever it is that makes your body quiver — from your deepest, darkest desires to your most innocent longings. Any of the following items are suggested: flowers or rocks, locks of hair, fingernails, menstrual blood, fallen leaves, candle wax, or bound herbs. Start building, placing the items together or inside a special box. May each piece have a special place in your heart; after all, even the tiniest blade of grass matters if you say it does. Welcome each one to the altar. (Yes, you are building an altar.) And with each offering, the altar absorbs your charge.

The ideal altar for sex magic will include all four elements (earth, air, water, fire) plus the fifth (ether). That’s your calling, your divine right, your life’s purpose — you decide how that looks on the altar. But the secret is placing ether as the focal point in order to fortify your sex magic. This will elevate your powers.

4. Abstinence

A huge part of sex magic is avoiding sex. Yep, you read that right. Sex magic is not just about having sex all the time, although there is a time and a place for that sort of sex magic. In order to receive maximum benefits of sex magic, the point is to control energy. It’s like a lot like teasing — sexual stimulation reaches peak and the need to release intensifies. Some might know this from tantric sex sessions. For those who practice yoga, especially kundalini, this will sound familiar. It’s moving the energies throughout the chakras and firing each one as if with a spark. Manipulating energy is the key to sex magic.

The power unleashed during sex magic will be double, even triple, because you didn’t give in. When you control self — both body and ego — you relinquish fears. You trust the universe and let divine timing take over. By concentrating that energy then channeling it into your heart’s desire, your wish becomes more potent. The best sex magic is one that waits for a cosmic whisper that says, “Now is the time — go for it.”

5. Putting sex magic into practice

If you want to do full-on sex magic spells (because don’t we all?), take your items and your writings and make a grave for them. Bury them under the full moon, naked. Chant them as if in song. Place them under the mattress where you have sex. Do not underestimate the power of masturbation as a way to charge sex magic amulets. Now things get even more interesting when you realize all you need is yourself. After all, women’s bodies hold enough magic to make dozens of spells a million times over.

Have sex with your magic items nearby. Have your altar within arm’s reach or at least visible, and keep those writings close at hand. Get a sex orb (an imagined ball of creativity that ignites your sexual experience) rolling above your head as you ride the waves of physical pleasure. Paint symbols on your body and on your partner’s body. Use sexual fluids and energy conductors. Menstrual blood and semen explode with magical powers — they can be collected or used in rituals as you see fit.

To charge a spell, place intention on the thought form — concentrate through breathing techniques. Fire it with emotion and a pure heart — offer it to your altar and allow energies to blossom. Then focus your wishes into an orgasmic state as you imagine your wish coming to fruition. Sex magic primes us for the changes about to happen. It allows our souls to explode wiith bliss. And in that moment of orgasmic transcendence, we become our truest selves — free from pain, fear and judgment.

Sex magic starts with intention. The mere desire spawns magic. And the elements emanate from there. What you want to avoid, though, is any negative believes, doubts, or destructive talk — and that holds true in sex magic and the rest of your life. The only destruction that should take place is between you and barriers, between your dreams and your fears. Break down those walls, believe in sex magic, and start practicing today — and let spirit guide you. You can thank me tomorrow.

A version of this story was published January 2018.

Before you go, check out the six types of orgasms you probably didn’t know you could have:


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69 Sex Positions You Need to Put on Your Bucket List Immediately https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/5919/sex-positions-to-try-before-you-die/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/5919/sex-positions-to-try-before-you-die/#respond Fri, 11 Apr 2025 21:00:00 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/slideshow/5919/sex-positions-to-try-before-you-die/ If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.

No shade at your tried-and-true sex positions—after all, hopefully, they’ve become faves for good reasons, like consistent climax and connection.

The thing is, with so many pleasurable sexual configurations to try, there’s really no good reason not to branch out while you bone. Not to mention, trying new sex positions can help stoke the so-called sexual flames, keeping things hot-hot-hot even as the months and years go on. Of course, things like new sex toys (our personal favorite is Womanizer’s new Enhance vibrator) can help heat things up too. There are plenty of ways to make sure that no two nights in are exactly the same, whether you’re playing solo or with a partner or two. Sometimes all it takes is a brand-spanking-new position to get the party started and to reignite some important conversations about what feels best in the act. (And remember, it’s okay if those things change or if you just want to test something out!)

We also know you’re busy and probs don’t want to waste precious time researching impossible pretzel-like contortions. That’s why we asked queer sex educator and sex journalist Gabrielle Kassel to share the best sex positions for reigniting the spark, whether you’re playing solo or with a partner or two.

Read on for a compilation of 69 (nice) sexpert-based sex positions we think you should try ASAP.

A version of this story was originally published in July 2016. 

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What Are the 5 Love Languages? Understanding Them Might Help Your Relationship https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1059295/what-are-the-5-love-languages/ Fri, 28 Mar 2025 16:27:56 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1059295/what-are-the-5-love-languages/ If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.

Who hasn’t had an argument that boiled down to a partner ultimately not understanding that “words of affirmation” are essential to your sense of trust in a relationship, or that what you appreciate most, over gift-giving, is when they empty the dishwasher for you? Even if you haven’t taken the “What is your love language?” quiz at some point, many of the ideas around love languages have real-life applications that have likely shown up in your personal relationships — which means it’s a good idea to understand what the five love languages are, what they can mean for your relationship, and (of course) which love language(s) is yours.

The idea of the love language has been ubiquitous since Dr. Gary Chapman released his best-selling relationship book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, in 2015. The first in a series that now spans 11 books, the five love languages have given people a practical way to stay connected — and stay in love — by respecting and nurturing your partners’ (and friends’, and other loved ones’) love languages.

But what are the five “love languages,” exactly — and how does understanding them help our relationships? It’s all about knowing what it takes for a person to feel loved and affirmed, Chapman tells SheKnows.

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

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After many years of counseling couples in crisis, Chapman says, “It became apparent to me that what makes one person feel loved isn’t always the same for their spouse or partner,” he explains. “I discovered every person understands and receives love in a specific language, one of five to be precise. The other four are just as important and offer [other] ways to express love to each other.”

Dr. Tina B. Tessina, a psychotherapist and the author of Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today, also sees the value of using the five love languages to demonstrate love. “Understanding your own ways of expressing love, and your partner’s, and understanding how your expressions of love are different or similar means you know when you’re loving your partner the way you want to and when you’re loving your partner in his or her favorite way,” she tells SheKnows. “You can understand better why some things work between you and others don’t. You can learn to recognize when your partner is sending you love, even if it’s not the way you’re used to.”

According to Chapman, taking the time to learn and really understand your partner’s love language, which might just be different from your own, can improve communication and strengthen your bond.

What Are the 5 Love Languages?

So what are the five different love languages — and what do they look like in practice? Here’s what you need to know.

Words of affirmation

According to Chapman, people with this love language need to hear their partner say “I love you.” Even better: including the reasons behind the love through leaving them a voice message or a written note or talking to them directly with sincere words of kindness and affirmation.

Other examples from Tessina include saying things like: “Thank you,” “That was nice of you,” or “I appreciate what you did.” Affirming both your love and their efforts is much appreciated. 

Quality time

If quality time is your partner’s love language, it’s all about giving your partner your undivided attention and being fully present when you’re with them, says Chapman. That means no TV, no chores, no scrolling through social media on your phone — just giving each other your undivided attention. Take time every day to do this.

“Spending time with your partner is about being together, paying attention to each other, sharing something meaningful together, and listening and communicating,” adds Tessina. Other examples include cooking dinner together and chatting while preparing and eating it, sharing plans for the future, making love, or doing something creative together.

Receiving gifts

The person who loves this language is not necessarily materialistic (that’s a misnomer), but thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. 

“The thing that works best is picking the right gift that shows you understand your partner and the effort you made to express love,” says Chapman. “Think about finding a gift that your partner has been asking for or would enjoy receiving and plan for a special way of giving it; make it a surprise.”

The act of giving a gift tells your partner you cared enough to think about them in advance and go out of your way to get something to make your partner smile, says Tessina.

Acts of service

This language includes anything you do to ease the burden of responsibility, like vacuuming the floors, going grocery shopping, or sending thank-you notes. Stumped as to what your partner needs? Chapman suggests actually asking your partner to give ideas for things they’d like you to do that would make their life easier, and make a schedule to get them done. That alone, the asking, can feel like an act of service because it communicates the intention. 

Simple things like making breakfast in bed or walking the dog demonstrate you care about your partner and your life together, says Tessina. “It says you want to make your home and relationship more livable and you want to ease your partner’s burden,” she adds. To that point, simply being observant about what your partner actually does on a daily basis that makes your life together more comfortable can be a good way to figure out what acts of service you can do for them, without actually having to ask. 

Physical touch

People who speak this love language thrive on any type of physical touch and may have difficulty spending large stretches of time away from their partner or other loved ones. “Be intentional about finding ways to express your love using physical touch: giving hugs, touching their arm or hand during a conversation; offer to give a neck or back rub,” says Chapman.

According to Tessina, physical touch is the most direct way to communicate love. “As long as it’s done in an atmosphere which is loving and not oppressive, physical touch can be the most effective of the love languages. It calms, heals, and reassures,” she explains.

So what if we have different love languages?

It’s totally OK — and normal — if you and your partner have different love languages. It’s just a matter of communicating, experts told SheKnows previously. “It’s normal to have different languages, but the key is to be clear with your partner about what you are needing versus assuming that since they know, they ‘should’ be delivering on it,” explained Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. Be specific about what you need and have regular check-ins with your partner to make sure they’re getting what they need to feel satisfied in your relationship. And when you see your partner making an effort to express love in the way you desire, be sure to show your recognition and gratitude for them.

The bottom line is that we’re all different, and not everyone expresses their love in the same way. Being aware of the different love languages, figuring out your own and those of your loved ones, and having open communication about your needs can help you understand all your relationships better.

A version of this story was published in January 2019.

Before you go, check out our bucket list of must-try sex positions:

69-Sex-Positions-for-Bucket-List-embed

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35 Movies With Steamy Sex Scenes That’ll Inspire Your Sex Life — Stream One Tonight! https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/8874/best-steamy-movies/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/8874/best-steamy-movies/#respond Mon, 24 Mar 2025 19:26:00 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/slideshow/8874/best-steamy-movies/ If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.

Forget your typical “Netflix and Chill”; if you and your boo have agreed to a movie night, why not screen a steamy flick with hot sex scenes to inspire some new moves in the bedroom? Sure, you could always watch another episode of Outlander, but there are plenty of films that pack a similarly smokin’-hot punch.

We challenge you to turn on a sexy film and watch it all the way through with the intention of finding erotic inspiration (either for partnered or solo sex). Think of it as an extended session of foreplay: The racy viewing material will build anticipation, making your eventual romp in the bedroom all the more satisfying.

Viewing a sexy movie is also a great date night idea for couples in long-distance relationships. Imagine watching those NSFW scenes in tandem while in separate locations, discussing exxxactly what got you hot and bothered, and then — well, you get the idea.

To spare you time (and some dodgy Google search results), we compiled a list of racy movies with intimate scenes guaranteed to get your mind going. The films on this list reflect the many different kinds of love out there, including lesbian, gay, and queer relationships. Heads-up, though: You’ll probably need a cold shower after poring over these titles.

So keep reading — and stream one of these movies tonight to get inspired!

A version of this story was published October 2017. This story was updated in March 2025.

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The 11 Best Porn Sites for Women https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/9410/best-porn-sites-for-women/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/9410/best-porn-sites-for-women/#respond Tue, 18 Mar 2025 21:30:00 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/slideshow/9410/best-porn-sites-for-women/ If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.

OK friends, when you think of porn, are you immediately turned off? Yeah, we hear that. It’s 2025, and yet it’s still not an easy task to find porn that you actually want to watch, meaning a website featuring hot, actually good porn that doesn’t overwhelmingly prioritize the male gaze or the male orgasm. Sure, you can wade through the videos to find one where female pleasure and (over-the-top-slash-faked) female orgasms are the focus — but even then, there’s the distinct feeling that because of the way she’s being filmed, there is still a man calling the shots. Let’s be honest, even if you’re watching it with a male partner, you may get the sense that the porn you’re trying to enjoy isn’t for you. And that can make it harder to lose yourself in the story or the sensations the way you’d want to.

In other words: where are the porn sites that cater to the female gaze, that honor female sexuality in all its beautiful forms and that don’t objectify women in a way that will have you itching to take a shower immediately after viewing (in a bad way)? Where are the porn sites that feel current and up to date with what we want from sexual media today?

There are good reasons these kinds of porn are necessary, too. Porn that honors female sexuality “allows us to actually see content that was designed for us with our pleasure in mind,” Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and resident intimacy expert at dating app, 3Fun, tells SheKnows. “This can be pretty revolutionary as most of mainstream porn is made by men for men — which can really take us out of it because it doesn’t center things we actually want to see. Seeing lots of different female-centered sex acts, a range of bodies, and lots of pleasure can help us feel better about our bodies, our pleasure, and ourselves in general.”

If that’s the kind of porn you’re itching for, fear no more, because we’ve found some legitimately great porn sites for you, the modern, self-loving woman. If you’re tired of porn that feels overwhelmingly straight and cis-male-centric, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the following selection of sites. And while we’re at it, it’s probably the right time to treat yourself to some new sex toys to really turn up the heat.

Quick PSA, though: please take care and don’t browse this one at your desk, because you’ll be able to access some NSFW websites from here on out. Click with caution and when it’s time for You-time, have fun! And as Engle reminds us, support these ethical porn sites by “always, always, always pay[ing] for your porn!”

A version of this story was published on April 2018.

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